we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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