dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fuck appropriateness.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
