What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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