Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
