we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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