Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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