I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
