i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
