What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
