woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
