i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
