Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
