my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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