Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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