I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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