this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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