At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
