bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
