He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
