I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
