I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
