I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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