i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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