you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
