If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
