if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
