Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my being single is dangerous.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
