so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
