member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
