don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
a search helicopter?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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