under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
