I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
