I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
