may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
