The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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