i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
