Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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