i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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