You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
