i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
