I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
