I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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