you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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