last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
