PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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