We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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