you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
