we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
