I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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