In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
