I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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