she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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