Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
