Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
