i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
