Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
