I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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