you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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